The trick or treat trap

Halloween is the perfect metaphor for what a lot of us struggle with. In my book we talk about monsters and these are the manifestation of our fears and perceived short-comings. In this case, it’s our perception of what others want and need. We change who we are to appease or be appealing. It can be as simple as pretending to be happy and can even include changing our look or appearance. Just like at Halloween, we put on a mask and get candy. In other words, be someone else and you will be rewarded. 

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The school system does this to us as children. We need to fit a mold. Pick a career We are surrounded by It starts at a young age and becomes so entrenched that it’s hard to break as an adult. It becomes so familiar that we accept it.

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We all tend to adjust our personality to suit the situation. We are one way with our family and another way with friends. And still another person at work. Why do we do this? It’s not laziness because being genuine is hard. It takes work but not as much work as being a chameleon. In my case it was usually to avoid conflict. I would change to appease and therefore diffuse a potential argument or confrontation.

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In relationships, we change who we are to attract a partner. We wear a mask. And it works in most cases. The trick is that it becomes impossible to maintain this façade for any length of time. How many times have you heard the comment “They aren’t who they seemed” or “You are not the person I thought you were”. We are afraid that if someone we love sees our true self that they will cease to love us. That we are less desirable. Be someone else and be rewarded with love.